...about well baby checkups

This week's guest post is courtesy of Julie Mertz. Julie is a neighbor turned good friend. She has a 9 year old son and a 6 year old daughter and works as a freelance American Sign Language interpreter. This is her take on well baby check ups.

Thanks, Julie!



We all have to take our baby to the doctor on their regimented schedule to make sure our baby gets all of his/her vaccinations and is hitting all the developmental milestones on time. Here's three tips to help you deal with these stressful visits.

1) Shots hurt...but only for a moment. It's hard not to feel a little bit guilty when your baby looks up at you with accusing eyes, visually pleading "Why are you letting them stab me???" And I'm sure by the time my children are grown, vaccines will be delivered orally or some other non-invasive method, and my kids will actually say to me "I can't believe you let doctors STAB me as a BABY!" When that happens, I will say three things (hey...three within three!) 1) Shots were the only option back then, 2) It only hurt for a few minutes, and 3) Do you know how many needle sticks I had giving birth to you??? I had IV's! A nurse blew one of my veins! So don't complain to me about a few shots! Man up!!!

2) Doctors ask seemingly random questions because they think you won't understand what "fine motor skills", and other developmental skills, are. When my son was a toddler, the doctor asked "Does he use a fork?" I said "Are you insane??? I have carpet in my dining room! But if you're talking about hand/eye coordination, he can put blocks into the shape sorter."

3) There is a very wide variation of what is considered "normal". If you think about a bell-shaped curve, my son is always on the ends. He either does something way ahead of schedule...or way behind. He didn't talk for a long time, and when he did his first words were "apple", then "banana", then "cheese". "Is he working in alphabetical order?" the nurse asked. Eventually he was evaluated by a speech language pathologist. After the evaluation I said "Don't worry about hurting my feelings. I know he's very behind." "Ummm, well, uhhh, actually, he's ahead." "That's impossible!" I shrieked. Turns out, yes, there were some speech skills he couldn't do at all, but there were others he had mastered that were well above his age level. So when all the results were tabulated, he was "above normal".

My daughter, on the other hand, is the child they modeled the developmental milestones after. At her well-baby visits, I would say "Yes to all" when they started asking questions. They'd look at me strangely and continue with their questions, and sure enough, it was always yes to all.

My kids are 9 and 6 now, so those well baby visits are thankfully behind me, although they do still occasionally get shots. "Is it going to hurt?" they always ask. And I always say "Of course it's going to hurt! They're going to stab you with a needle!" Duh.

...breast feeding

As with any of my posts, I only write from my personal experience. I spent so much of my time and energy focused on the childbirth part (pain! pain! pain!) and gave zero thought to what happens after the child is delivered. Well, that's not entirely true. We DID have the nursery set up. That equals like 1000 om points right?? But I think my view that it was the cheapest way to feed the child probably indicates where my head was going into the whole experience.

1. It's tough! Many people will tell you that breast feeding is the most natural bond between a mother and child. That's very true, but it's not the easiest thing to accomplish. It's not as easy as putting the child to your breast and letting nature take its course. There's position, latching, milk coming in, and a ton of other factors to consider. All this is daunting for new mothers, and the pressure associated with the benefits of breast feeding combined with a sleep deprived mom lead to a pressure cooker of emotions. As tough as it seems to you, know that other mothers have gone through something similar and that there are experts who can answer your questions and ease your concerns.

2. Formula is not the devil. At some point, many women have had to supplement our breastfeeding with formula. Listen, sister, if your milk hasn't come in, your baby needs to eat. If you aren't producing enough for your baby, don't feel bad about supplementing with formula. There are things you can supplement yourself with (Mother's milk tea and herbal supplements), but your baby's needs come first. If your concern is that your baby will get "nipple confusion", in all my conversations with my mom friends, nobody ever complained of nipple confusion. Don't let nipple confusion or pride or what people think or say be a concern for you. Your kid isn't going to remember that you formula fed it instead of breast fed it and you're kid is going to be smart or dumb regardless of what you feed them. There are so many other things to stress about, something like breast feeding shouldn't bat the top of the stress list.

3. It's not for everybody. If I had a nickel for every time someone has told me they were unable to successfully breast feed, I'd have a new car. There are many benefits to a formula only diet. One, hubby no longer has the excuse that you are the sole source of food. Two, there are no awkward, unnecessary stares when you're breastfeeding in public. Three, you never have to worry about "springing a leak" in the middle of a very important board presentation. Those are the main benefits I can think of off the top, but the list goes on and on and on. The most important thing I can say about this is you should not feel like a failure if you are not able to breastfeed. Trust and believe that you are in good company and moms all over the world have experienced the same frustration. Take this time to enjoy your child, enjoy mommyhood and enjoy this miracle you've produced. You never know when you'll look back and say "I wish I wasn't so worried about breast feeding. I could have been enjoying my time with my baby more."

Still looking for guest bloggers. Let me know if you're interested!

...about Special Needs

I am so excited to have my first guest blogger! I had the good fortune to work with Jenny Fischer several jobs ago (ha!) and she is the one who inspired me to blog in the first place. Without further ado, I'll turn it over to her.



I am the mother of a typical five year old boy, and identical twin three year old girls – one who is typical, and one who happens to have a severe anoxic brain injury due to a choking accident when she was 11 months old. Let’s just say that I have experience with many things parenting, and I like to say that we follow the “fly by our seat of our pants parenting style,” but I’m happy to share my perspective, as it’s a little different than most. You can find me posting useless drivel on my blog The Fisch Tank and also involved with our project to spread a message of kindness at Be Kind Colorado.

No one ever expects to have a child with special needs. Not even the parents who have kids with special needs. Really, it’s true! It just happens sometimes, and so, whether you have typical kids or a child with some extra needs, this is for you, so really, it’s for everyone.

1. Denial – It helps no one. If you are a parent, a first time parent or an experienced parent, and you have a feeling that something might be a little bit off with your child, you are probably right – whether it’s just personality, or some other kind of issue, no one knows. Justifying any sort of delays and comparing your child with other children to the point of stressing yourself out is pointless. Every child is different, yes, and if you, deep in your gut, think something is going on, then you’re right to get it checked out. You see, if you have a child under three, there is a great program called Early Intervention (link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Early_childhood_intervention) that is required by federal law by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). It is run in every state and they will do a free (or very low cost) evaluation with trained therapists to address your concerns. A doctor may refer you, but you can also refer yourself. If your child qualifies, you will be set up with therapists and a plan, and someone will help you through the process. Denying that your child needs therapy doesn’t help your child at all, even if it’s hard to accept that your child needs a little extra help. Even for a mild delay, therapy is like play for kids – it’s not work. It will help them learn and catch up to their peers so that by the time they age out of the program at 3 years old, future therapy may not be needed. Also, if you still qualify at 3 years old, you will get help from the public school system BY LAW. There is a reason that the federal government requires and subsidizes this program – because intervention at an early age prevents future issues and larger expenses. There is, but should not be, a stigma associated with “therapy” for kids – it means nothing except a little extra help. If you suspect issues with your child, make the call, like yesterday – getting into this program while it’s free (or cheap) is much easier than trying to get help later on as they get older. I promise.

2. Looking is not rude. But, please, ADD a smile too! Whether or not you have a special needs child, remember that YOU are the model for your children (and other children around you) when you interact with someone with disabilities or special needs. Smile at them. Talk to them. If you encounter a child with special needs, talk to the parent too! Compliment their shirt, shoes, or wheelchair. Point out to your children what a neat backpack they have, or what pretty eyes. Do not talk in hushed tones. Do not act like it is a shame to have a disability. Because when you do this, you are sending a message to your children, the disabled child, and the disabled child’s family that there is something to be ashamed of. This is not the message you want to send. If you are not sure how to interact with a child with disabilities because you’re not sure if they can see, hear, understand, ASK! The parents will be more than happy to help you help your children. Explain in calm, honest, simple sentences about disabilities and differences. Be simple, and don’t go on and on about it. Kids have a natural tendency to accept things the way they are, even if they are different, so explain if they ask, and let them work it out themselves. Avoid using the word ‘retard’ in any way, shape or form. Just trust me on that one.

3. Look beyond the surface. This probably goes without saying, but there are many special needs or disabilities that aren’t obvious. They “look” like regular people, but there can still be many things going on. Autism, sensory issues, developmental delays, brain injury/stroke, chromosomal disorders, and many undiagnosed conditions are all things that can be bubbling under the surface. When you see a child acting differently, acting out, throwing a huge fit or just engaging in odd behavior or acting a little “differently” – there may be other things going on. We all say to ourselves “If MY kid did that, I would ______” – but when you build in special needs, and a parent dealing with behavior issues and other issues all day long, seven days a week, it can be different. It is probably exhausting, combined with the therapy and doctor schedules and caring for the “normal” family stuff on top of the special needs child. When you see other families of any kind, try your very hardest not to judge – because you probably don’t know the whole story. Turn your pitying look into a helpful gesture – ask the parent if there’s anything you can do to help, get a glass of water, collect their things, distract the child, carry their bags. Trust me, these parents can use all the help they can get. Actually, all parents can use help at some point, right?

That just scratches the surface, really. I look forward to guest posting here occasionally – you know, in my free time.

...about C-sections

One of the few fights I remember having with my husband when I was pregnant was about the whole pain management process of childbirth. I was adamant about not having an epidural. My mother delivered both of her children naturally, I have an exceptionally high pain tolerance, by golly, I could do it too!! My husband, doubting Thomas, wanted me to have a back up plan. He remembered, even if I did not, that all the kids in his family were big babies and felt, rightly so, that I should be prepared.

Without going into too much detail, other than the gigantic melon my kid was born with making a natural delivery impossible, I not only had the pain meds I had previously eschewed, I delivered via cesarean section. Needless to say, I was completely unprepared for what a c-section meant and how I would be immediately impacted.

So, without further ado, these are the three things I wish I had known about c-sections:

1. Those post-op meds are a bitch! Don't get me wrong, you've just had major surgery - you're going to want all the meds you can get! When else are you awake during a major surgery? I demand to be knocked out when I have a tooth pulled! I'm not a doctor or a scientist, so for all I know, it could have been the adrenaline come-down mixed with the strength of the meds, but the way my teeth were chattering after entering the recovery room, I'm surprised I didn't bust a whole bunch of teeth! In between gazing longingly at the baby I couldn't hold because I was shaking too hard and begging for more warm blankets (I think I cleaned them out!), I was miserable. The nurse did everything she could to make me comfortable, but I didn't stop shaking until at least two hours after the surgery.

2. The nurses aren't cruel, really! In the middle of the night on the day I delivered my daughter, a nurse came in at what felt like four am. I'm sure she didn't come in that late, but it's my story, dammit! In an effort to ensure a healthy recovery, she made me get up and walk. WALK! While my husband blissfully snoozed in the corner (believe me, my balance was too skewed for any well aimed kicks...I tried), I did laps around my hospital room. Before you get any glorified ideas in your head, at best my pace was a drag-shuffle-hold onto the IV pole for support. When I was triumphant about the half lap I did, she prodded me to do more, all the while my husband is STILL snoozing or mumbling "Good job, honey...zzzz" After I completed my laps to Nurse Ratchet's satisfaction, I was allowed to go back to bed. I sat in bed sulking angrily in my husband's general direction, for all the good it did me. To this day, he wonders why I kicked him out of the hospital room in the middle of the night.

3. When they say take it easy, take it easy! When you leave the hospital, you have the choice to take a prescription for pain medication with you. I took it with me because I am a girl who likes to be prepared. I am so glad I did. I didn't heed the "no stairs" rule, or the "no driving" rule or even the "no bench pressing medium sized dogs" rule. Nope! I felt great! I was ready to tackle the world! Let's go grocery shopping! Let's get those birth announcements made! (In my defense, if they didn't get made shortly after childbirth, they weren't going to get made ever. Seriously). You can imagine, as a result, my recovery took longer and I wound up getting a pain medication refill. As a fiercely independent woman (who was still mad at her husband for his hospital cluelessness), I could do it by myself and would prove to everybody I could do it by myself! ALL BY MYSELF! I wish I had taken advantage of the offers of help. People don't offer to help out of obligation, they offer to help because they genuinely care and want to help. You ain't getting those offers when your child is two and melting down in the middle of the mall for reasons unknown, so take advantage while you can. You probably shouldn't eat bon bons while you do it though. Might send out the wrong message.

And those are the three things I wish I'd known about c-sections! This is a work in progress so please leave comments so that we may improve our content, look, etc. Also, let me know if you're interested in being a guest blogger. The more the merrier!

Welcome!!

Many of my friends have been having babies lately. It's almost like an epidemic! Seems a new baby pops out each week. In this day and age, people my age are wary of dispensing unsolicited advice. Grandmothers usually do it for us, so we save our words for the important questions like "So when is the next girl's night??" since we recognize there will be a need for one, soonish.

What I'm finding is that women are going through afterbirth experiences ill-prepared. If you go in thinking it's going to be a natural birth and it turns into a c-section, what now? What happens when your breastfeeding experience isn't the greatest and you're surrounded by woman who become increasingly forceful about what you're doing wrong? That's what this blog is for. It will feature guest bloggers who have gone through similar experiences and lived to tell about it! Hopefully, woman everywhere will laugh, cry and nod vigorously as they read this, knowing there are TONS of people out there who can relate and it will ease some of the parenting expectations we all have. And believe me, whether you have one or five, you're parenting a newborn or your kids are in college, you've adopted or have biological children, the essense remains the same: parenting is hard, where are my girls at, pass the libations please!